The Waist Management Phoenix Open

So, yesterday my husband mentioned the Waist Management Golf Tournament going on inPhoenix.  I quickly agreed to watch it. I had visions of the ideal golf tournament. 

Prior to teeing off each contestant would enjoy a high protein high anti-oxidant smoothie.  (Make mine raspberry, please.)  And of course a weigh in and a waist circumference measurement. 

The first hole:

Everyone tee’s off.  Then, everyone lines up at the tee.  Men at the men’s tee.  Women at the Women’s tee, of course. 

Out in front is the “Tee Leader”, Perky Pauline. (I thought this was what they meant when talking about the “Leader Boards.”) She leads the group in Pilates core strengthening exercises for 5 minutes.  Then, she blows her tournament whistle and everyone dashes, while carrying their own clubs, as fast as they can to the furthest ball.  Everyone takes turns hitting their shot.  Then, Perky Pauline is back leading them in more exercises.  Once again a race to the green.  On the green everyone has to hit their shot from an assigned yoga position.  I think balancing half moon would be a great one. 

And so on. 

Until the 9th hole.  Refreshments are brought in.  Brat-flavored hummus with chips made from flaxseed hot dog buns. 

The back 9 goes at an even faster pace with increasingly tougher exercises and sprints.   

Finally it is time for the 19th Hole.   All of these healthy contestants race once again into the club house.  Another weigh in and waist circumference measurement. 

Then a delicious meal is served of fresh pear margaritas, grilled scallops and shrimp on a spinach salad topped with sliced strawberries and feta cheese. YUM!

Imagine my surprise when my husband burst my bubble and told me it was the “Waste” Management Golf Tournament.  I don’t even want to think about what they did between holes.  (I think it had to do with port-a-potties.)

So, anyway, if any of you wealthy readers out there would like to work with me to create the first Waist Management Golf Tourney, just let me know. I’m looking for sponsors.   


A humorous nutrition Blog written by Glenna Moe, Kansas City Dietitian

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